Thanking those that read...

Thank you to those such as Alyssa who comment and let this slave know that she isn't alone.

This has been such a difficult time for her and yet she feels like such a wuss and she tries to be strong. The end is drawing closer and though it's torture at the moment, so slow and agonizing. This slave will be sure to update everyone with the fun, steamy and painfully delicious stories when Master arrives! (or a few days after :) )

Then she will catch up on all the blogs that she likes and has been neglecting because they were too hard to read in this lonely time *embarrassed smile*

An end in sight

slave's weekend job has turned into a full time one. Which is nice, now she doesn't have to worry about finding another.
slave has been learning how to bar tend the past week and is enjoying it. Already she has taken the classes that she needs for bar tending and food service and has the cards that she needs. Once she gets the bar down the bosses are going to train her on the restaurant side so that she knows all the jobs in case she has to cover a shift.

Even better news, Master is talking about flying up around the first! *happy dance* oh slave is so excited! He was going to drive but, now you need a passport to go into Canada and He doesn't have one yet. So Master will have to fly back in a few months once W/we have a place and drive His truck up.

There is an end in sight and slave cannot wait.

Dragging on

slave found a weekend job, now all that she has to do is find another one for the week. This seems to be taking forever trying to get Master up here...

The past few days slave has been so off. It must sound silly to all of those who are strong enough to be away from their Masters or slaves for long periods of time but, slave is used to being around Master all the time. slave usually spends all her time with Him, and T/they have even worked together for almost 2 years now.

slave feels wrong, part of her is missing and she is but a hollow version of herself with a smile like a mask upon her face. she cant even enjoy the fact that she is finally back in Alaska because the rest of her isn't here. Though the time that slave gets to spend with her family here is nice and they have had some fun, it's just been a quick distraction here and there.

It is taking all of slaves discipline to keep a semi hopeful attitude when all that she wants to do is just lay down and cry...
Reminding herself over and over that the better she does the faster this ends, and the few times that she gets to hear Masters voice keep her struggling on.

Missing You Master...

Lost on autopilot

slave feels so lost. Friday will be a week that she has been away from Master, and she's VERY far away. Alaska couldn’t be much further from Him. Once slave has found a job Master will be up here to get a job as well, but it’s already taking too long....

Everything feels surreal, like she should have woken up in Masters arms already but the dream keeps dragging on relentlessly. Doing everything that she can and yet she feels like there MUST be something else that slave can be doing better, she is very anxious that she is missing something. Whenever she runs out of papers to fill out or people to call and has a lull in her progress, slave does her everyday tasks on autopilot. Feed Masters property, wash the dirty laundry so she has clothes to wear, tidy up the kitchen to help out, clean up any messes that slave makes as she goes, take out dinner...

Then her day brightens when she gets to do the workout that Master had written for her, she is no longer anxious or... kinda lost. Master has given her a task in His absence and she knows where she is supposed to be and what she is to be doing.
Then, feeling a bit less strained, slave returns to searching for a job.

After five the family arrives home to a warm dinner and slave enjoys finally getting to spend some time with them. Talking and staying occupied also helps her.

Later Master calls and it is the highlight of her day. slave gets to hear His voice as He talks about His day and how He had to search for this or that. *Awwww Master misses her*
Then slave tells Him what she did for the day and, when T/they are finished and listening to each other breath Master softly tells slave that He misses her. slaves heart overflows all bittersweet and she replies that she misses Him too, though her throat is so tight she can barely speak.

Simply put, This sucks!

slave is very greatful to have this oppertunity to serve Master it's just the being away from Him part thats so awful. Hopefully that will end for good soon.

As the day draws to an end, slave tries not to think about being here alone. Then she takes out the piece of paper with Masters handwritten notes for her nighttime ritual. Then things don't seem quite so bad.

Last night...

This is the last night slave will sleep in Masters cage.

W/we will be moving in the next couple of months and the cage is not making the trip *sad slave*. Master is sending slave on ahead to get a job while He works down here until He can join her, then bring the whole crew once Master has found a house.

slave still has a few days to go yet before she has to leave Masters side (thankfully) but she has to take apart the cage in the morning and she's really going to miss it. Master says that once everything is settled T/they will build Him another so slave is thankful for that...

*sniffle*

"Fluffy"

Master inflicted on slave with a new toy the other day.

Master told slave to gather three implements, so she brought the tangerine root 'cane' that she carved, a black metal holey garage door piece and... slave brought some thick fuzzy rope that she had been dragging around as implement number three. When slave presented them she asked if it counted and waited for Masters decision.

As she had hoped, after a few moments of consideration Master went to work and quickly created what He named, Fluffy!

Now Fluffy was fun. Master inflicted on slave with the knotted rope that fell such a delightful way and had slave yelp in pain pretty quickly, until....
Master decided to imitate Stitch (the blue Disney alien) and go on about how He "Likes Fluffy!"

Oh gosh.

slave was giggling and yelping and soon had tears streaming down her face. All the while where Master had cut the rope Fluffy 'shedded' little bits of... fluff all over T/them and the floor. It was great.

Guess what? slave likes fluffy too.

A household shift

Last night Master announced that He had decided to 're-consider' n. He told w and slave that He was leaving it up to them to handle as they wished but, He would prefer that they give her a bit of a hard time.

Master knew that slave would naturally lean towards being helpful and sweet, controlling the other side of herself. Well, of course now that Master wishes slave to be hard on n slave almost has to be *devious grin*. slaves little sadistic side is laughing and dancing a jig awaiting an opportune moment to be free...

Obviously slave wants n to do well because Master has decided to give her another chance. Though He has made it clear that He wants no sign of her old 'sammy' tricks - lying, manipulating, having a nasty attitude etc. Hopefully the girls making it hard on her will bring those things to light if she hasn't changed, though shes been here a little while as a roommate and she hasn't done too bad.

So, slave has some ideas of her own but would love input from anyone that wants to give it. What do you think slave should do to help Master make sure that n will behave this time?

Overall this is going to be interesting. slave of course has a few little things that bother her a touch, like the fact that she isn't the only one that Master snaps for now. Jumping to attention, ready to serve is a little disappointing when Master is looking the other way but, slave will get used to it. she just hopes that Master is as happy as He can be and she is eager to do anything she can to make sure that that happens.

The great outdoors

Master has decided to go camping this summer while T/they have the time. slave is so very excited because she loves those types of things. He plans to camp in a fairly remote 'primitive camping' area and bring the kayaks since its beside a small waterway/river. slave is bringing all the poles and tackle and Master is going to show her how to make a trout line and frog gig. slave has also drug out the Army survival manual and has been thinking about making a net that she saw instructions for while studying it.

There shouldn't be any people around since it's so secluded... Oh the ideas swimming in slaves mind for all sorts of rough, dirty fun!

Aside from slaves constant focus on sex *emberassed smile* it will be nice to fish, hike and hang out outside of the house for a while.

The economy, jobs, and other parts of life...

slave is wondering what happens next.
The last job that was so great was nice enough to lay Master and slave off just two days before the contract became binding for a year. *sigh*
Well, to be fair Master and slave did complete all the projects they wanted done, Master is just such a hard worker.

With the economy the way it is it's been hard to find a new job, even at a fast food restaurant.
Master and slave have a wide range of skills between T/them so the lack of ANY jobs down here is a little unnerving.

Master is trying to avoid having to go on the truck again because He's tired of not being home.
slave is worried that the only other option will be her going to Alaska to work there. Not that she doesn't love it there but she hates being away from Master, though she would happily go if He wished.

slave has really been enjoying all the relaxing time with Master though and loves being at His foot all the time. It has been a lovely break with Him and slave will miss it when T/they do find something.

The night W/we met...

*Giggle* For some reason as slave was kneeling here trying to decide what to write she started thinking about the night that she met Master. It was the typical mutual-friend-birthday-party thing where everyone was just drinking and having a good time. Master and w were the only ones in the lifestyle but everyone else was either swingers or wanting to be so it was pretty 'anti vanilla'.

Sometime during the night, Master had slave spin around for Him as He looked her up and down. He thought for a moment, considering then looked her dead in the eye and said "I normally like big girls but, you'll do".
slave had no idea that He was the friend that she had been told was a Master. slave also said nothing to Him about always wanting to be a slave. slave is very friendly but it probably would have offended her usually, so why did it make her so happy?

It's mind boggling how much that night changed her life...

It is quite the story and often joked about how some sexy guy at a party told her that "she would do".

Well, You'll do perfect Master *playful smile*
slave will serve You forever if You let her, she loves You so.

By the way slave also has a little more meat on her bones now, she actually has an ass thanks to Masters workouts *happy dance*

Books and reading

slave was wondering if A/anyone can recommend books that T/they find helpful in the lifestyle? Serving, manners, stretching, positions, posture, grace, sex.... slave is looking for information to better herself and would love to have some favorites to pick up.

A moment of thought

Kneeling here in front of the computer in the early morning hours. Master watches TV on the bed behind slave and she thinks of how lucky she is. This life is... amazing and Master is just too good for words. It's nice how so many things are just, natural now. How much slave has changed these past few years. slave doesn't have to think to ask before she uses the bathroom anymore, she just does. slave waits to eat until Master has taken a bite because that's just how it should be. slave grabs the thinnest blanket for the bottom of Masters cage because it should be hard. Masters drink is always full and fresh, sitting on a pad so it doesn't drip on Him when He gets a drink.
Master allows slave to serve Him and she is grateful and happy, very happy.
slave still has things to work on though, many, many things that need improving. she looks forward to such things and hopes to please Master with all that she does.

Continuing sweet release...

Then Master softly brushed His fingertips against slaves throbbing nipple, delicately caressed her welted ass and laid a light hand on her tender side.

Gently touching her as slave leaned into Masters warm, naked body with hurt, happy noises.
Moments later Master pulls away with a growl and brings the thick glass rod down to thud against slaves body. Over and over and over ....

slave gives a little squeal as she feels the cold, smooth glass rubbing against her wet pussy. Master barely slides it inside her for just a second, then takes it away. Bringing Winston down to crack against slaves ass a few times causing slave to put most of her weight against Masters cuffs.
Then slave feels the light, feathery touch of Masters lips on hers before He kisses her deeply *heaven*.

slave can feel Master moving before her and follows Master by sound and scent, oh Master smells so good!
The hairs on her body stand up and she shudders at the sound of Master swinging an implement behind her, this way and that, and slave waits.....
Taken completely by surprise when it slaps against her flesh repeatedly.

slave starts to wonder if her feet are supporting her weight at all any more as she quivers and pants. Hanging there slave has no concept of time, though it was probably 30 seconds or so it seemed like it was a moment that just hung in the air....
Master suddenly wraps slave up in something incredibly soft, holding her in His strong embrace. Lifting her with one arm Master unhooks the cuffs and she leans back into Him, so warm, so safe.
Master effortlessly lays slave on the bed and wraps Himself around her so protecting and loving, slowly slipping off the blindfold.

slave makes happy noises and Master answers with a deep growl in her ear that rumbles out of His chest. Lightly kissing her face slave thanks Master happily and T/they lay together, so perfect.

Thank You Master.

Sweet release

slave was laying in the cage beside Masters bed as He watched TV yesterday.
Completely miserable, she tried to fight all of the thoughts that were making her squirm in an effort not to touch herself. So excited, so pent up she wasn't sure what to do with herself, tortured.

Master looks down at her "slave" He says, "go pick out ten implements, some sandpaper and the wartenburg wheel". "Yes Master" slave replies with the hopeful thought that perhaps her torture was ending.
After gathering Masters toys (Winston included of course) slave kneels beside Him quietly.

After a few moments Master turns His attention to slave "what is going through your mind?" He asks. "Nothing Master" slave replies, "Nothing?" He questions. "i am trying not to get too excited Master, You have been enjoying torture lately Sir" she replies trying to fight the tremor in her voice. she startles at Masters devious laugh "How do you torture a pain slut?" He asks with a chuckle "you deny them pain".

Master calls her over to the chain dangling from the roof and fastens the black and blue cuffs around her wrists and hooks them to the chain. slave starts trembling as she stands on tiptoe almost hanging from her wrists, trembling with excitement, eagerness and fear.
Master stepped away for a moment, then was suddenly behind slave slipping a blindfold over her eyes.
slave starts to slip down into that place ....
Master drags the sandpaper softly down slaves sides and she moans in pleasure...
After a few moments He starts pressing harder and harder as He rubs slave whimpers, gasping and fighting not to squirm.

When slave felt like all the skin had been rubbed off of her sides Master brushed the sandpaper against her sensitive nipples. Within seconds slave was sniffling and trying not to cry, and breathed a sigh of relief when Master pulled away.
Crying out when Master cracked the zebra cane against them and choking back a sob.

Switching to slaves ass, back and thighs Master used the 'zebra' cane that leaves twin stripes with each stroke. Winston the awful/lovely construction garbage. The flogger, crop, and various other toys found or created. Beating slave with His great skill Master had her fighting not to move and wondering how much more she could take, sobbing and sagging in the cuffs.
... to be continued

Torture...

Kneeling at Masters foot slave tries to think of something boring... like baseball... or... um... nuns, yeah nuns will work! .....nope... not nuns either... *frustrated sigh*.

Master is torturing slave again, oh the agony! Master sits in His chair all sexy and naked, every so often casually brushing His hand against His perfect cock. slave thinks about how that large hand can just about wrap all the way around her little throat and she starts getting wet again before she remembers the nuns... playing baseball.... good old boring baseball... at a ballpark... boring...

*whimper*

Master has been teasing and torturing slave for about two weeks or so (slave has very carefully not been keeping track because that only makes it worse). When slave doesn't have sex she starts getting all riled up, three days usually has her at the bitch in heat stage. Well, the last couple of times that Master has had 'sex' with slave He has fucked one of His other girls first, with slave in the room all horny, trying not to get the carpet all wet.....

Then Master has slave get on top of Him and barely, just barely puts the tip of Him inside her while 'w' or 'n' gives Master a hand job until He shoots His load in slave's pussy. Thanking Master for the hot load making her a 'cream filled slave' slave is in agony (though grateful and privileged). T/they both know that Masters cum dripping out of slave will keep her extremely fired up for hours, slave hopes that Master is enjoying her torment.

So slave kneels, at perfect cock level, and works up the nerve to stroke it while being alert for a 'look' from Master. Master gives her a few seconds to let her guard down before thwacking her on the forehead, firm but not punishing. slave miserably rocks back into position and Master smiles down at her, slave tries not to pout.

This happens repeatedly for days though with slight variations each time. Master actually allows slave to play with it for a few moments once or twice...

Baseball..... gardening... so wet... slave starts picturing her lips sliding down Masters shaft... the feel of His head as slave flicks her tongue... oh yeah, boring, not baseball that doesn't work... boats, yeah slave likes boats! they are fun. she loves being in the water, and the storms are nice, the rough seas... rough... what a great word.... slave loves it when Master is rough... when He pins her down and pounds into her... choking slave while Master growls at her... *squish* slave realizes that she is soaked... Agh! Freaking nuns! *misery, horrible misery*

After slave tells Master that she feels like she is going to explode and pleads for help. Master tells her that it should be easy for her to cum when He tells her to, whenever He decides to make use of her. slave remembers the last time (seems so long ago...) when she had trouble having an orgasm when commanded to... slave could just strangle herself! *beating her head on the floor*
Perhaps if she is lucky Master will have mercy on her soon, and slave will be sure to stay out of her way this time.

Long showers and nakedness

Stepping out of the shower slave quickly dries off and pokes her head out of the open bathroom door, Master is stretched out on the bed relaxing. "What would You like me to smell like Sir?" slave asks then quietly waits for His reply. After a few moments Master answers, with a soft "thank You Master" slave lotions thoroughly though she has to concentrate so she doesn't rush, then she sprays the matching scent.
Master kindly allows slave to take showers that are a little longer than she needs most of the time so once she is finished slave has been out of His collar for way too long.
her neck prickles uncomfortably and she feels frighteningly naked, checking Masters collar to be sure its cleaned properly slave places it in her mouth and crawls to Masters bedside.
slave kneels, collar in her hands as they rest upturned on her knees and she listens for a movement from Him as she tries to be still.

Waiting stretches into eternity as slave grown increasingly uncomfortable.

After what was probably a short time Master looks down at her and asks "are you ok slave, you look a little pale?"slave gives Him a pleading look and holds up His collar because she cannot speak past the lump in her throat. Masters expression becomes one of boyish innocence "oh you are still naked aren't you?" He exclaims looking terribly shocked. slave doesn't miss the devious twinkle in His eyes though or the hint of a smile at the corners of His mouth as Master enjoys her torment.

Holding out His hand Master takes His collar and relief floods through slave as she bows her head over His knee, pulling her hair to the side. Masters fingers brush her neck as He slides the cool leather around her neck. slave closes her eyes happily as the click of the lock sounds close to her ear and Master rests His hand on her head and pets her. Comforted slave whispers a wholehearted thank You and sinks to her knees, thinking about how privileged she is to serve such a wonderful Master. Life is good.

New Collar

Master recently ordered new collars and cuffs for His girls to wear, thank You Master!
slave has never had a set of cuffs to wear before and she really enjoys them. They are royal blue against a black base because Master likes slave in that color. The best part is that Masters collar locks! slave is tickled that she gets to wear His symbol of ownership locked around her neck and wrists *happy sigh*.

slave has been working on her 'graceful' movements, still. she has such difficulty remembering to be aware of her moments at all times, she will move nicely for a while but slave can never seem to quite make it habit. Speaking appropriately has also been a struggle lately, asking too many questions or phrasing things wrong. slave keeps working to better herself though she just wishes it felt like she was getting somewhere faster...

Life has been busy. Not chaos stressful busy but, busy enough that there is always something going on. So recently playtime has been limited and slave is itching for a good beating. That feeling where your skin gets extremely sensitive and any teasing nip or clawed squeeze causes breath to catch... where the switch in your head flips with a whispered command, from daily slave to formal mode. Dropping into a kneel with lowered eyes as the mind and body become alert and ready for the most subtle of commands... *anticipating*

slave recently had to stop talking to her last friend that said she accepted slave for who she was, it's sad really.
It's not that slave isn't allowed to talk to her, it's just that she doesn't understand slave anymore. You cannot be friends with someone who thinks you are nothing more than a freak, or some misled person in need of saving.... slave wishes she could find a little subbie/slave/pet friend to come over and visit. Someone to share stories and struggles with as they chatted on the floor at their Master's feet. Someone who would understand a hurried goodbye when Master snaps for slave and not get upset. Ahhh whats the saying? "If wishes were horses?" something like that....